Bella's Idea
by terri lynne
Summary: Bella decides to take matters into her own hands


This story starts about one month after James bit Bella.

Edward still refuses to change me! After our last fight about it, he gets a look in his eyes of pure anger if he thinks I'm about to bring it up again. Damn! It's my decision, not his! If I decide to do something with my life, it's none of his business. Then I realized I have made my decision, it's time to act on it.

I was going to try to change myself! Oh that may sound funny but if you think about it, it makes sense. All I have to do is find some way to get a hold of some of their venom. Then find a way of putting it into my blood stream.

So what do I know about venom? First it is what all the bodily fluids of a vampire is made up of. Second, one bite will change a person, so it must be very strong. I wouldn't need a lot. I guess that's all I know.

So… once I figure out how to get some venom, the next question would be how to get it into me. I guess I could use a hypodermic needle? Where would I get one? Hummmm? I know that drug users get them for drug use so it is possible. Or maybe I could get one from a diabetic? I'll come back to that later now that I know that I will have a way to put it into my blood.

So back to the venom. First they don't use a rest room, so no help there. They don't cry. They don't eat or drink so no getting it off dishes. I wouldn't be able to find any of their kills to extract it from those. I've got it! Spit! When he kisses me a tiny bit of saliva gets in my mouth. It's such a small amount he doesn't worry about it, but what if I saved it every time he kissed me?

Perfect. I got a glass bottle out of the fridge. Snapple, yum, once I drink this all I have to do is wash it and put it in the bathroom behind my feminine products and no one will find it. I wonder if venom has a shelf life?

Ok I'm ready. We have been kissing and now he has to go home for a little bit. He's opening the window to jump out and I ask him for a good kiss before he leaves. I close my eyes and wait. He comes over to me and kisses me, slipping his tongue in to my mouth for just a second. I can taste the sweet venom. Instead of what I usually do I stand still and keep my eyes closed smiling hoping he will leave if I keep still, pretending I'm savoring the kiss. Yay! It worked he's leaving and I still have the venom in my mouth! I ran to the bathroom and open my bottle and spit into the bottle. It's not much, I knew it would take time to get enough, but today was just the first time.

For the entire summer I did the same thing. I actually have a lot of venom now. It's cloudy and thick like corn syrup, I'm nervous now. I'm ready to do this, but tomorrow is my birthday, I'll be 18 years old. I still have to figure out how to get a needle and when to do it. I also have to figure out where to do it.

My birthday was a nightmare! Alice had a party for me. Jasper came after me when I got a paper cut! Now after all that Edward has quit talking to me. I'm going insane, I know he always blames himself for anything that happens to me. What will he do this time?

He left me! They all left me! How will I go on? He said I wasn't good enough for him! I know that my human self isn't good enough for him. If he would just change me, I would be good enough. Wait… I don't need him to change me, I've got all that venom! But what if I'm wrong? What if the stuff in the bottle kills me? Well that really doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to live anymore if he's gone anyway.

Charlie left a few minuets ago. I told him I loved him and I was glad that I had come to live with him. He looked at me funny and told me he was glad too. He also told me he was so happy to finally see me smiling again. It's been a week since Edward left. I was pretty bad for most of it then I had my revelation and perked right up. Charlie told me he started to call my mom, but then I came out of it he and decided I was going to be fine.

Yep! I am going to fine. My bags are packed, I wrote a note to Charlie telling him that I want to travel for a while and I would go back to school next year. I got my venom and loaded my truck, tried to think of anything I would need for the next few days, got a sleeping bag and tent out of the garage, and a map. I knew I wouldn't need food, as soon as I got as far away from people as I could I would do it.

It turned out to be very easy to get a needle. I went to the Cullen house and went in to Carlisle's office, they left in a hurry and left a lot of stuff behind. Carlisle left most of his office untouched. The paintings were gone, but all the medical things he had in his office in case I got hurt while visiting at the house were still there. Including hypodermic needles!

I checked the map, all I had to do to get away from people was head into the Olympic National Forest. I blessed my dad for buying me a truck. Off I drove to my new life.

I set up camp in a very remote place deep in the woods. I put venom into the needle and sat on my sleeping bag holding the needle. I was shaking so hard, my fear of needles was in overdrive! I kept trying to inject myself but I couldn't get the needle even close to my skin.

I got so mad at myself! I knew it was going to hurt for three days. They told me it was like being burned in hell fire, And here I sat afraid of a little needle. I took a long deep breath and rammed it into my stomach. I didn't even feel it. It was a very fine needle and I felt really stupid for being such a cowered. I loved Edward and I was going to change myself so I could be with him forever, and a little tiny extra fine needle had kept me in fear. But no more! I had the needle in and pushed in the plunger. The venom went into me. I pulled out the needle and laid down and waited.

It wasn't a long wait. The fires came. It felt like I burned forever. I screamed and cried and cursed myself. Then I cursed Edward for making me go through this by myself. If he had changed me, he would have been beside me holding my hand. So I pretended that he was there with me. He talked to me, and sang to me, and told me we would be together now forever.

I woke up from the change and looked around. My eyes and ears were super charged now. I could hear ants crawling on the ground. I could see every feather on a bird flying way overhead. Now I was Edwards equal, he couldn't run away anymore. I needed to find him now! But first food! I looked around and sniffed, I could smell something good. My mouth was already dripping in anticipation.

The deer I consumed was sweet and tasty. I was still craving more but I knew what I was really craving and it wasn't on the menu. I was going to be a vegetarian also, so no humans for me.

I patted myself on the back and told myself I was doing so good. I was sure I could keep from killing anyone. I felt confident that I was in control. Now How Do I Find Them?

I remembered them talking about a family like them in Denali, Alaska. So I loaded up my truck and went to find them. It took a month to find them. I only did find them because of my new vampire smelling. I was better than a blood hound! Ha Ha Ha!

Tanya didn't want to tell me anything, but Carmen told me that the family was now living in New York state. So off I drove again. I was so glad I had the sock full of money. My collage fund. I may not need to eat but my truck was really drinking a lot of gas! I stopped a lot along the way to drink so I wouldn't get over hungry. I knew that helped Edward keep from killing me. Now I needed to keep from killing anyone.

They must have heard my truck a mile away, or maybe Alice told them I was coming. They were all on the front porch waiting for me to pull up. The shocked looks on there faces told me they were shocked to see my bright red eyes. Carlisle whispered "How" but I heard him. The rest were speechless. But they all walked up to me smiling and welcoming me home. Edward was suddenly in front of me.

After everyone hugged me and told me how much they missed me they begged me to tell them how come I was a vampire now? So I told them what I had done. Emmitt started to laugh so loud that I thought that the windows were going to break. Then he turned to Edward and told him he was finally not the smartest one in the family anymore.

Yes, we were family, one whole complete family, happily forever after!


End file.
